Harry Styles, not without you
by KSalvatore1864x
Summary: One Direction FanFiction- We just stood there and looked at each other saying nothing. But this nothing meant everything. In his eyes there was no sign of what happened only hours ago. I was eternally sad at the thoughts that went through my head: Never again can I be that girl that always came running back to you, I can never be that girl again that loves you no matter what.
1. Can You Come Get Me?

_**JPOV (Jennifer's point of view)**_

The day the doctors told me I had breast cancer I was shocked.

But they told me there was a 50/50 chance that I would survive, so I stayed positive.

There was nothing I could change about it anyway except to be strong.

But the day the doctors told me that I had a bit less than a year to live, I was okay with it.

My body wasn't responding to the chemo anymore, and I was widely okay with the fact that by this time next year, I probably wouldn't be here anymore.

I had told no one, my parents were dead and my best friend Harry Styles was famous, with his band 'One Direction' I was so proud of him, but we barely talked.

And when we did I of sure wasn't going to tell him: "Ohh Harry have you heard, I've got cancer and I'm gonna die in a year."

That would be totally dumb, I knew I would try to avoid telling him, probably I was gonna die alone.

The doctors told me to go home, they said they would try a different type of chemo, but I could tell that they doubted I would manage to survive this.

The day turned 18 I had moved out of my guest family, my parents had died when I was 5 in car accident.

The guest family was nice, but we just didn't get along so well, after I had moved out I had never heard of them again.

The apartment I lived in was small, I was only a home tutor, so I couldn't afford to live in a fucking mansion.

But I was happy the way I lived, it was my own little world.

All over the wall were memory photos of my parents and of my childhood friends, and Harry.

I had known ever since I started school, we were friends since the beginning.

Ever since he had become famous we had barely seen each other, last time I had seen him was when he come home to Holms Chapel for Christmas four months ago.

We texted sometimes, meaning once a month or something.

Considering he was practically my only friend, I was very antisocial, I really missed him.

I wanted to tell him that I was sick, I was probably to scared that he would abandon me if I told him.

I couldn't lose my only friend.

At times I was so lonely it hurt, but mostly I didn't feel anything.

I was used to being alone.

It was the sad truth of the situation.

I sat at home and watched TV, some boring reality soap about to people fighting, when my phone rang.

I looked at the screen – anonymous.

"Hello," I answered.

"Hi Jen, it's Harry," I head a familiar husky sounding voice saying.

"Harry! Oh My God. How are you?" I asked, not believing he had actually called, normally I was the one that texted- or phoned him first.

"Oh, I'm good. Listen, can I ask you a favor?"

"Sure, Harold. What's up?"

"I got a few weeks off and I'm here at the airport with no money on me, I lost my wallet, and mom isn't picking the phone up, could you come and pick me up?"

I smiled; I was like Harry to lose his wallet.

He had always been like this, losing things or forgetting where he put them.

It was one of the many things that made me like him so much.

Not like, like. But like, as a best friend.

We had grown up together, I had lived across the street and after my parents died I lived on the other side of town, but we never lost contact.

I still lived in Holms Chapel, it had always been my home and it would always be.

Whether I would die in one year or 70.

Holms Chapel would always be my home, like Harry would always be my best friend.

So I drove to the airport and looked around for Harry.

He had told me he would wait at on a bench at wing 1, so I drove there but no Harry was to be seen.

The only person sitting on a bench was a creepy looking man with a back hoddie, and the hood was pulled deep into his face.

The creepy man looked up and came towards my car, I had a mini heart attack, he was knocking on the car window and mouthing something, I didn't understand a word.

But then I saw the mans hair, curly.

Harry.

I stepped out of the car and quietly squeaked "Harry!"

He smiled and rapped his arms around me.

It felt good when he hugged me, it felt right.

"Hey Jen, I missed you, you know," he said whispering into my ear.

"You did allot to change it, but I missed you to."

"I'm sorry, you know with all the-"

He let go of me and looked into my eyes.

"It's okay, don't worry."

"But-"

"Harry, I understand. I just missed you, allot," I said forcing myself to look into his gorgeous green, blue eyes.

Behind us a car horn beeped and someone yelled: "Move!"

We looked at the man yelling then looked at each other, giggling.

"Get in," I said still smiling.

"To your command, boss."

Good old Harry, making a joke out of everything.

He wouldn't be joking if he knew that I was sick and going die.

I forced the thought out of my head and fake smiled.

Harry got in and sat into the passenger seat beside me.

I drove off.

"So how long are you staying?" I asked him.

"Well, depends how long do you want me to stay?"

"Harry, you know that I want you to stay for as long as possible," I said sad.

Probably this would be the last time I would ever see him.

Ever.

And that was really scary; it made me want to scream.

"I'm open, Si will call me when I have to come back. I guess it'll-," he looked at me worriedly, "Jen are you okay? You look really pale."

He noticed, oh god.

I couldn't tell him, not yet at least.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just the flu," I lied, knowing that I would have to tell him eventually.

I wanted to say goodbye to him properly, I wanted to say goodbye to him and tell him that I was sorry and he would always be my best friend, whether I was alive or dead.

I sighed.

As we sat there in the car I thought about the times we had spent together.

In middle school we both had this big obsession over 'High School Musical' and we would sit for hours in my room and just cut out pictures if the celebrities and stick them into a scrapbook.

Or my first heartbreak, he had slept at my place for one week and all we had done was eating ice cream and watching sad movies together.

All those little things, all those little moments I had with him made him so special to me.

For me he was Harry, not Harry Styles the member of One Direction.

While the car ride we talked about the most random things ever.

It was like the old times.

Good old times.

"I really missed you, Jen," he suddenly said while I was talking about Spaghetti.

"I know. I missed you too, Harry," I said.

Harry looked at me.

There was a weird expression in his eyes but I couldn't really figure out what that was supposed to mean.

We were driving past a beautiful meadow, yellow flowers grew everywhere and somewhere in the sky a bird flew around.

It was absolutely beautiful, every time I drove past this meadow it's beauty always struck me.

"I think this meadow is just absolutely beautiful, I love the yellow flowers growing everywhere," I said as I suddenly I felt an agonizing pain well up inside my stomach.

I drove at the side of the street and hit the break.

The pain was unbearable.

It was like a million knifes stabbing into my stomach.

I'd never felt something like it and that certainly meant something.

"Jen, what are you…" he started but I just ran out of the car and puked my guts out.

Only seconds later Harry was next to me and held my hair up.

He made shushing sounds what calmed me down a little.

The sour taste in my mouth was disgusting but familiar.

I breathed hard.

"I'm so sorry that you had to see this," I said ashamed.

If I carried on like this he would know everything soon.

Too soon.

The pain still there but much, much less.

"It's okay. Don't worry. I'll help you get into the car, I'm driving. I can bring you home, you'll feel better soon," he said looking very conserved and protective.

I doubted I would feel better soon, but I didn't want to ruin his speech.

"Thanks," I muttered quietly.

He put an arm around me and I leaned on him so he could help me walk.

He was so sweet to me, I didn't even deserve it.

I was lying to him; I was lying to my best friend in the whole wide world.

I was hiding the fact that I was probably gonna die soon.

I had to choose if I should tell him before I messed everything up.

I had to choose soon.

_**AN:**_

_Sooo? What did you think? _

_Hope you like it, it literally took me 12 hours to write these 6 pages. _

_K. :D_


	2. Good and Bad News

_**Chapter two… **_

_**Harry's POV**_

I knew something was up with her, she just wouldn't tell me.

When she had picked me up from the airport she had looked pretty as always, but she was pale and her lips were a weird shade blue.

The flu.

Yeah, sure.

I knew her better than that, she would tell me, or I would make her.

In the car she was her normal self, funny, confident and shy at the same time.

That's what made her so special for me.

I had never felt anything more than friendship for her, but the look in her eyes when she looked at me just made my heart speed up a little.

Jennifer was talking about how beautiful she thought the meadow was that we were just driving by, when suddenly her face twisted in pain and she pulled up to the side street.

Without saying a word she practically jumped out of the car and threw up next to the street.

Without hesitating I got out of the car to hold her long, brown hair up.

When she had recovered a little I drove her home.

I carried her up the stairs and laid her on her bed, she fell asleep immediately.

I stayed in her apartment, just incase she needed help or she got sick again.

I would go home later, probably mom wasn't home anyway.

I sat on the couch, took the remote and turned on the TV.

After a while of watching 'Supernatural' I head a floorboard crack.

I turned around and saw Jen standing there, looking absolutely miserable.

Her eyes were bloodshot and she stood there looking as if she was going to fall down any second.

I jumped up to support her.

We sat down on the couch, an awkward silence filling the room.

Whatever she had, obviously it wasn't the flu.

It was something much, much worse.

The TV was still on; I was staring at the screen, aware that Jen was looking at me.

"Are you better?" I asked her, knowing that even if she wasn't she would still tell me she was okay again.

"Yes, I guess I ate something over date or something."

"I know your lying. Jen, you look absolutely miserable. No offence."

"Really, I'm fine," she said ignoring my "compliment" and looking away.

I brought up her face with my hand; her face was only a few inches away from mine.

"You can tell me the truth," I whispered.

I felt her breath on my face, it tickled all my senses.

"Maybe I'm not all good yet, but I feel better, honestly," she said quietly.

While she was saying those words I gazed at her moving lips.

She must have noticed me staring so she pulled away.

What just happened?

She was my best friend, not my love interest.

"Harry, you don't have to stay here only for me, go home to your family. I'm sure they really miss you."

"They won't mind if I stay here for another hour or so, it won't make any difference anyway. I'll only leave when I'm certain you will manage on your own."

"I'm a grown woman. Surely I'm young, but I can take care of myself, I have done my whole life. Don't worry about me. I'm gonna be fine."

"Fine, but I'll make you a cup of tea. I'll come back to make sure you're fine," I said knowing she got me, again.

"Bye, Styles," she said sounding still a little bit croaky from sleeping.

Cute, I thought.

"I'll see you later, don't go anywhere," I told her while giving her a quick hug.

"Don't worry," she said, but I wasn't convinced.

She was hiding something.

But what?

_**JPOV**_

As soon as Harry had left I called my doctor, she told me to always call him when something happened.

And so I did.

I tiled the number, I knew it by heart, and waited for him to pick up.

"Doctor Warris speaking, how can I help you?" he asked, he said that every time, it made me smile every time.

"Hi doctor Warris, It's Jennifer Knight. Something happened."

"Oh my dear, tell me," he said sympathetically.

"Well, I was driving a friend for the airport home, when I suddenly felt agony fill my stomach, it was unlike what I have ever felt before. Afterwards I puked."

"Umm… I see," he said, clearly thinking hard.

"What does that mean doctor? Is the new treatment working? Or not?"

The hope I was going to be okay again was here although I knew the chance that it was true was very, very small.

Too small.

"I don't know, my dear. Best would be you come by my office today and I'm pretty sure I can answer your question."

"Ohh.. Okay, I will. Is it okay when I go now, I have a friend coming over later?"

"Of course. I happen to be free the next few hours so you can come by anytime you want."

After I finished the phone call with doctor Warris I got dressed, put a bit make up on and fetched my favorite beanie.

jens_outfit_1/set?id=57074693

It was something of many things Harry and I had always shared an addiction to, beanies.

I got into my car, the hope was still there that I was healing.

Yes, I was okay with it, but I certainly didn't want to die.

It was just something that happened to me and I had to deal with it.

Even if I didn't want to admit it, even to myself, it made me sick, not in the physical way, but mentally, knowing I was probably going to die soon was just a feeling I didn't even wish on my worst enemy.

I was absolutely miserable, Harry was right, not only did I look like crap, I was sick, literally and made was braking me.

I showed nothing outside, I was still the happy, crazy girl that I was most of my life, on the outside.

Because there was allot of traffic the rout that normally took me 5 minutes, took me over 45.

When I finally arrived at his office and private little hospital, I almost ran inside the little hospital and knocked at the office of doctor Warris.

There was a "Yes, come in," reply in a familiar voice.

I opened the door and stepped into the office/ treatment place I had been inside so many times.

"Welcome," he said greeting me by shaking my hand with a firm grip.

"Hi doc," I said.

I'd known him for so long and I had seen him so, so, so many times before, me and the doctor were almost friends.

Well, as much as you can be friends with a 55 year old who's seen you naked because he had to look if the cancer was spreading.

After telling him in detail what had happened and what I had eaten in the last few days, I had to lie into a weird scan machine, I had been in there several times already, and stay completely still.

I closed my eyes and waited until the scanner lights had pictured every inch of my body.

I was used to it, the blue light slowly moved from my legs up to my stomach and then to my head, the usual body scan.

If you considered the "usual" body scan a scan too look for cancer or growing/ shrinking cancer.

When I was done I hopped down from the bed like table, all the pain had disappeared after I had slept when Harry was there.

I was feeling good again, as if nothing was wrong with me.

Maybe everything was going to be okay again and my cancer was shrinking.

"Mrs. Knight?" I heard Doctor Warris say.

"Yes?" I said happily.

I was feeling good, fresh witch I hadn't been in a long time.

My hopes were rising by the second.

"I have good and bad news."

"Bad first," I said.

I felt my heart thump inside my chest.

"The tumor has spread, you left lung is surrounded by cancer cells. But by some wonder it's still functional, but not for a long time"

My breath stopped.

My whole left lung?

That wasn't good, not good at all.

"So how long until …" I stopped I couldn't speak my mouth was dry and my heart was beating like crazy

"Until both of you lungs give up?" he helped me.

I nodded.

But what he meant was; how long do I have to live?

"Well, it's hard to say. You miss Knight are a strong woman; I didn't expect you'd be here when we first met. But with a rough guess I'd say more or less ten months."

My brain didn't seem to function.

"But here comes the good news: There is a new cancer chemo, it's successful by a rate of 35%, it's more than the ones you did the last times. It's going to be available in about 7 months."

That was at least something to look forward to.

But the problem was if I was supposed to be dead in 10 months and the chemo was only available in 7 that was so close…

I'd just have to be strong and fight.

The doc must have seen my facial expression and said: "In the mean time we can carry on with the chemo you're on now, it might give you more time."

I had always thought I was okay with dying but I wasn't.

Not at all.

I wanted to live, fall in love and visit different countries.

And much, much more.

I'd never really gotten out of England.

The furthest I had gone was Ireland, but that was when I was nine.

Before I had known that I had cancer I had saved up to go to Bali, it was were I had always wanted to go, but when the news came I had to invest all my money in the medicine.

Even though I was working as a home tutor, I was just too tired to teach.

It was a side affect of having cancer.

Being tired all the fucking time.

For a while the doc and I just discussed about what was to do now until he excused himself, I wasn't the only patient he had.

While walking out of the building I glanced at my watch.

I had spent five hours at the docs.

Harry.

He was at my place, I was sure of it.

If he said he would come back, he would.

Harry always kept his promises.

I was still a little down for the result of the test, but the thought of Harry made me smile.

When I arrived at the garage of the entry to my home, like I had expected, I saw Harry.

It was dark outside, but it was obvious it was him.

He was sitting on the stair that led up to the door to my apartment.

He was wearing a beanie and a dark jacket.

It looked kinda cute.

"Hazza," I said.

He looked up at me with shiny eyes.

The light outside was weak so shadows pulled over his face, he was smiling but he couldn't hide the pain in his eyes from me.

I knew him too good, he was hurt.

He blinked and looked away.

"What's up?" I asked him, trying to break the silence between us.

"Nothing," he mumbled.

"Seriously Harry, I can see your hurt. What's happened?"

He frowned.

"Let's go inside first, and I'll tell you everything," he suggested, I nodded and we went inside.

We sat down on the sofa and he told me everything: "It's not actually me that's hurt you know, it's Louis. You know he's like a brother to me. When he hurts, I hurt. When I hurt, he hurts. It's weird, I know. But yeah, so his long time girlfriend Eleanor broke up with him today and he's absolutely crushed. I've never heard him so down. He's broken, I just don't know what to do. Even if I only talked to him on the phone, he was weeping. I talked to the other guys, they all said he's a mess, I just don't know what to do, Jen," he said, his voice cracking at the end.

I had never met any of the guys before, but Harry had told me everything about them, it was like knowing them personally.

At first I didn't know how to answer, he seemed so down.

"Maybe you should talk to him again, wait a few days and see how he's doing. He needs time to recover, it's not fun, but he'll get over her at some time, Haz."

He just nodded.

"How can I help you?" I asked when I still saw the hurt in his eyes.

"You can give me a big bear hug," he said smirking cheekily.

I smiled, good old Harry.

So came a bit closer to him and wrapped my arms around him.

He smelled good, fresh.

The hug continued on just a little longer than normal.

His hair fell into my face, tickling me.

I giggled.

He let go of me and with a playful voice he said: "What?"

"Ohh nothing, it's you hair," I said still giggling.

Why was I acting so weird around him?

"Are you accusing my hair of something?" he asked with faked shock.

I nodded.

He was playing with me, I was gonna play along.

"No you are not. Take it back!"

Again, I shook my head.

"You cheeky little monster!" he said while lifting me up and throwing me over his shoulder.

I screamed.

"No, Harry let me go. Please!" I squealed.

"Get ready for take off!" he yelled.

"No, Ha…"

"One."

"Hazza, please."

"Two."

I screamed.

"Three."

And with three he threw me onto the sofa, head first.

He did it softly so I wouldn't get hurt.

Awww…

"Harry, I sw…" I started but was interrupted by the piercing stare of Harry's eyes.

He was looking at me with I look I couldn't I couldn't quite recognize.

I got up from the sofa only to see him still staring at me.

When I was standing I was only a few inches away from him.

We were looking into each others eyes.

So green…

We stood like that, for about five minutes, just looking at each other, taking in the others features.

Then when I realized what was happening, I took a step back.

We both didn't know what to say, but the silence wasn't awkward, it was comfortable.

I looked at Harry.

He was staring at the floor.

"How are you?" he asked.

I sighed.


	3. You Don't Know Your Beautiful

_**Chapter three…**_

_**Harry's POV**_

After the rather intense moment we had, witch made my heart beat quicker I had to break the silence somehow:

"How are you?" I asked her.

She sighed.

"I'm fine now, when you were gone I went to the doc. He said I was fine, I must have eaten something bad," she said.

"That's good, because you know, if something would happen to you, I wouldn't get over it."

When I had said that, I looked into her eyes trying to see her reaction.

Her eyes were blank with no emotion in them.

I knew that what I said sounded as if I liked her, like, _like_.

Maybe I did, but maybe I was just so happy that I finally saw her.

With all the stuff going on with One Direction, the fans and the fame it was hard to keep in contact with all your friends, even if they were your best ones.

I tried as hard as I could to visit all my friends and family as often as I could, but it just wasn't possible all the time.

Work, work, work.

"Um, thanks," she said, her eyes still expressionless.

I smiled at her hoping to lift the mood a bit, - but she didn't smile back, she just looked at me with a sadness in her eyes.

Usually when I was in Holms Chapel to visit she was this jumpy, happy creature.

For her age, she was 20, she was always to true, and true to herself.

But this time, she seemed so absent and sad.

Why didn't she tell me what was with her?

Then suddenly I knew what it was that made her so sad.

I could hit myself, I thought.

The 15th anniversary of the death of her parents was tomorrow.

"I know what's making you so sad, Jen," I said, and when I did she looked up at me with a guilty look.

"I'm so sorry I didn't te…" she started, but I cut her off.

"You could have just told me about the anniversary of the death of your parents, we can go to there grave together tomorrow. Well that's if you want me to come."

Then suddenly her look changed and her eyes glimmered with… hope?!

"Sure, if you want to come, come. I'm fine with it. Thanks for noticing though," her tone was sweet, but there was something else in her voice I couldn't specify.

Before I could answer her she coughed.

Hard.

"You sound like a dying frog, Jen," I joked, but she didn't laugh.

I was still feeling down from the thing with Louis, he must really be hurting, he sounded so crushed and depressed on the phone.

But I couldn't let myself think about that now, I was here with Jen now, I would deal with Louis later.

I patted her back.

That was when she looked up at me.

I looked at her and she looked at me.

We were just looking, again.

I'd never really noticed she was so pretty, her long brown hair was tied up into a bun witch made her shiny green eyes look big and round.

She had a nice body too, there was no denying that, her womanly curves were skinny but she didn't look starved or something.

I moved back up to look up at her face again.

Her full, pink lips were pursed.

I had the strong urge to kiss her, but I ignored it.

Another time, I thought, another time, I _promised_ myself.

I could hear her breath; she took quick, short breaths.

It almost sounded unnatural.

"Can you sing to me?" she asked.

I smiled.

She had always loved my voice, when we were younger she had always asked me to sing to her.

"Sure," I said, happily.

Jen treated me as me, Harry, and not Harry Styles, it was refreshing.

I mentioned her to sit down and she did.

I was still standing thinking of a song.

"What for a song do you want me to sing?" I asked her.

"I don't care, I just want to hear your voice."

I blushed.

Wait… what?

My mind was racing for a song that I could sing to her.

Suddenly I knew the perfect song: "Her Here" by Parachute.

I looked at her, she was nodding, telling me to start.

I cleared my throat and started to sing:

"_Well she wants to get in_

_And she wants to get out_

_But the city calls her name_

_And the scars that she hides_

_With those tears in her eyes_

_Like the echo's that are all the same_

_Cause it's all been done before_

_Yes, it's all been done before."_

Like she always did when I sung, she sighed a happy sigh.

She cuddled into a cushion that was on the sofa, gazing at me.

I had to suppress a giggle, she looked so cute.

"_And oh, you can this one go_

_You can try on your own_

_But I want you to be here_

_And oh, now the signs are all quiet_

_And the streets are all tired_

_And I want you to be here_

_Well she's sick of this town_

_And the walls in this house_

_And her pride just won't let her see_

_That when she wears that she's made_

_With the heart that won't break_

_She could be dead but she'd still believe_

_That it's all been done before_

_Yes it's all been done before_

_And oh, you can let this one go_

_And you can try on your own_

_But I want you to be here_

_And oh, now the signs are all quiet_

_And the streets are all tire_

_And I want you to be here."_

The smile on her face was small, but visible.

Her full lips were pursed, again I had the urge to kiss her.

I decided to shorten the song so I could sit next to her and take in her smell.

"_I want you to be here_

_I want you to be here_

_I want you to be here_

_I want you to be here_

_I want you to be here," I finished the song. _

I looked at her.

"And, how was I?"

She didn't answer, but instead a small tear ran down her cheek.

Immediately I sat down next to her and asked her what was wrong.

She just answered with a whisper: "It was the most beautiful thing I ever heard, Harry."

There words gave me shivers, sure a lot of people had told me I had I good voice, I knew I had a good voice, but it meant much more coming form her, than it would from anyone else in the world.

I wiped the tear away with my finger looking at her.

She was beautiful, I realized.

_**Jen's POV**_

I didn't know the song, but it sounded absolutely beautiful.

His voice was so… beautiful.

When he asked me what I had thought of his performance I couldn't answer.

I felt tears welling up in my eyes.

This was probably the last time I would hear him sing to me.

I just wanted to burst out in tears, here I was caring so much for my best friend, it wasn't normal.

I had forgotten the death anniversary of my parents; soon Harry would have to remember the anniversary of my death.

But would he even remember me when I was gone?

Everything just made it worse.

Harry had asked me what was up and I had just answered that it was the most beautiful thing I had ever heard.

It was, I was just upset because of the other things that were happening.

I felt a hot tear running down my cheek.

When it did, Harry had wiped it away with his fingers.

His touch sent shivers through my body.

I couldn't start to like my best friend, I just couldn't.

It was making everything even more complicated than it already was.

Since he came here, we had always had those moments.

What a mess I had made.

'_I want you to be here'_ he had sung.

Did he mean that for real, or was that just part of the lyrics of the song?

Did he really want me to stay here?

But what was here?

It was all so confusing.

I didn't know what to think, - Harry, my parents, the cancer, my life, Harry, Harry, Harry.

My head was going to explode any second, I was sure of it.

"Wanna watch a movie?" I asked him, hoping it would calm my mind.

"Sure, witch one?"

"I don't know. You choose."

He went over to the DVD pile that was stacked next to the TV.

It took him a while until he chose, in the end he picked a total chick flick, witch surprised me, we wanted to watch "LOL"

Harry inserted the DVD into the player and the movie started.

He sat down close next to me, our legs toughing.

It sent a shiver through me.

About half way through the film, I struggled to keep awake.

I leaned my head on his shoulder and relaxed.

Only moments later I felt my eyelids closing.

I fell asleep on Harrys shoulder.

When I woke up, I was lying in my bed.

Harry was nowhere to be seen.

I looked at the clock, OMG, I had slept more than 20 hours!

I fell asleep in the evening and woke up in the evening, - a day later.

The side effect of cancer, tiredness.

Harry must have left hours ago, but I called anyway: "Harry, are you here?"

My voice was quickie.

I heard floorboards crack somewhere in the hallway.

Was he still here?

The steps came closer; someone opened the door and stepped inside.

"Yes lovie, I'm here," he said with a soft voice, "I wanted to stay here until you wake up, but now I have to leave. Mom called she's not so happy that I'm not spending time at home at all."

"I'm sorry," I said.

"It's not your fault at all. I'll go home for a few hours and come back in the evening. Is that okay?"

"It's wonderful, don't worry. I can take care of myself, Harry."

"I know you can, I guess I just want to spend more time with you."

I blushed.

A silence hung in the air, but it wasn't awkward at all.

"I guess bye then," I said.

"Yeah, I'll see you later?"

"Yep," I said as he came closer and hugged me.

He wrapped his arms around me and I could feel his warmth radiating on me.

I took a deep breath and took in his smell.

Without of letting go with me he said: "I'm so sorry."

He was whispering.

"For what?"

"That your parents died."

"It's not your fault."

"No, it isn't, but today… yeah, you know… it's been 15 years. I'm sorry we didn't go visit them today, you were so tired. I didn't want to wake you."

I hadn't even thought about that.

I couldn't really remember them, when I thought of them it was like in the dark, you can't really see anything, but you can still see the outlines of everything.

He sounded so upset; he made himself responsible for everything, even if it wasn't his fault.

"Harry look at me," I took his face into my hands, "They are gone, and there not coming back, I have to let go at some point. Of course it hurts, knowing that I'll never see them again, but that's life. It happened to me, I can't change anything about it. And I believe that visiting their grave will just reopen old wounds, I can't afford that right now. Not now."

We were only standing about three inches apart and I was still holding his face in my hands.

I was speaking the truth; I couldn't get more upset than I already was.

I needed to spend the remaining time of my life as happy as possible and not grieving over the 15th anniversary of my parents.

He didn't say anything; he was just standing there, looking into my eyes.

"You know your really pretty, Jennifer. Don't you?"

I was shocked, was he showing emotions other than friendship?

"Err… I don't know," I answered dumbly.

"You are, don't ever forget that."

"You don't know you're beautiful," I joked, quoting a line from a song of his band.

He smiled.

"Bye, Jen," he said.

"Bye again, Harry."

Then he walked away and went out of my door.

_**AN:**_

_Thanks if you're reading this, it means you read all through the two chapters, - I guess._

_Tell me what you think, positive or negative, just review. =)_

_3 U. _

_K. XD_


	4. Alone, Painful & Slowly

_**Chapter FOUR…**_

_**JEN'S POV**_

After Harry had left I started reading a book.

All though I couldn't really concentrate on it, I just couldn't stop thinking about how Harry had said I was pretty, because I wasn't.

I had straight brown hair and a muddy color of green eyes.

But it still fluttered me, allot.

After a while I got bored so I went outside and sat on the roof to look up at the stars.

They were always there, they never left.

Always there, shining brightly.

Before my parents had died, my mother had always told me that when someone died, they became a star.

I had always liked to imagine that if I would die someday I would become one of those so seemingly small, but in real life extremely big, shining stars.

Maybe if I left I would find out and know if it was true.

"I miss you," I said out loud into the darkness, "if you were only here mom, I could tell you everything about Harry and you could give me an advise how to figure out my feelings. And daddy, you would be here holding me and telling me that everything was going to be all right. I miss you so much, so, so much it hurts."

I was whispering this while I felt hot tears trickle down my cheek.

I was lonely, I had been for a long time, I just didn't realize until then.

The constant pain in my chest was growing more and more intensive as I sobbed on the roof of my apartment.

Today, 15 years ago they had died, gone.

_Puuf._

I didn't know when, but sometime later I just felt my eyelids close and I fell asleep on the roof.

I dreamt of death, of my death and how I died alone.

Alone, painful and slowly.

I dreamt how Harry left because I lied to him, he just forgot me and never thought of me again, ever.

It was as if I had never existed, the only proof that I had lived was my gravestone standing at the end of a cemetery, never visited.

It was the worst nightmare I'd ever had, and the worst one I'd ever have.

It was my worst fear, being forgotten.

I knew I wasn't special, I was an average young woman, wanting to experience all the things everyone else did.

But I couldn't, I could never.

There were certain things I wanted to do before I left, so I started making a list on a piece of paper I found in my pocket.

I started to write:

_J. K.'s list: _

_Be completely happy, no matter what. _

_Bungee jump off the Eifel tower. _

_Camp under the stars._

_Live to see the release of 1D's second album._

_Read an astrology book. _

_Feel free. _

_Do a 'High School Musical' marathon. _

_Tell Harry._

_Be remembered. _

_Love someone truly. _

_Right a song. _

_Go into a grocery store and make a shop attendant go crazy. _

_Kiss Harry. _

I couldn't help but right the last one.

I wanted to kiss him before I left.

I really did.

_**Harry's POV**_

I drove home, despite my worries for Jen.

'I worry too much' I told myself.

She was okay, she was just upset.

When I arrived home the house was light up.

I got out of my range rover and went up to the house I grew up in.

When I was inside my mother, Anne, came and greeted me with a hug.

"Finally you're home."

"Hi mom."

"Harry!" I head a familiar voice say.

"Nana!" I yelled.

I hadn't seen her since two years, he had moved from England to Ireland to a nursing home, mom and her had a bad fight and they lost contact.

And I lost contact with her, I had missed her.

Allot.

I ran towards her, she was sitting in a wheelchair and hugged her.

"My famous little boy. How are you my dear? Have you met any beautiful girl?" She asked as I let go of her.

It made me smile at the cute names she called me.

"I'm good Nana. And you?" I said trying to avoid her question about the girls.

I wouldn't have known what to say.

How could I explain that I liked my best friend and that I couldn't stop thinking about her?

And she only thought of my like a best friend and how much it hurt looking at her, knowing that she doesn't feel the same way for me than I did.

How could I explain all that to an 82-year-old lady?

"Oh, I'm wonderful now that you here," she motioned for me to come closer so she could whisper into my ear, "You're mother is very worried about you, you know. You're young, and you party that's normal, but honey, just don't overdo it."

"Okay, Nana. But the press overdoes it allot of the times."

"I lot of times is not all the time. They have to get the idea from somewhere, Harry darling."

She was right, I did party too much at times.

But also like she said, I was young, wild and free.

I just nodded and hugged her again.

The night passed in a gif.

I knew I had to get back to Jen, I needed to see if she was okay.

I cared for her, allot.

"You're thinking about a girl, aren't you?" Nana asked, completely embarrassing me in front of my mom.

"Maybe," I said grinning.

"You want to go see her, don't you?" Nana asked, how did she know all these things?

"I do Nana, I do."

"Then go, darling. I can see you miss her," Nana said, surprising me again.

I looked at mom, she nodded in agreeing that I could leave.

"Thank you, Nana. You're the best."

Nana didn't answer me, she just hugged me.

I walked over to mom and kissed her on the cheek.

And with that I went outside and got into Jen's car, witch she had lent me to drive around while I was here.

When I finally arrived at her flat, I just couldn't find her.

She was nowhere, but the door was open.

And there was one thing knew for sure, Jen would never _ever_, leave her flat without locking her door.

It was a habit of hers, being paranojed about her stuff getting stolen.

What if she got abducted and raped, I would never forgive myself.

I was about to call her mobile when I heard soft sobs form somewhere.

Then, it shot through my head.

Obviously!

She was on the roof; it was her favorite place to think.

I went to the window, where you could climb onto the roof, and climbed outside.

The cold air hit my face making me shutter.

Looking around I could see a small figure in a fetal position crying.

Unmistakable, it was Jennifer.

I carefully walked towards her, her sobs growing louder by every step I took.

She didn't notice me, because when I touched her shoulder lightly she snapped up, panicked.

"It's only me. Harry," I said soothingly.

She just nodded and wiped her tears away with the 'I Love London' hoodie she was wearing.

"Jen," I asked her, looking into her eyes, "What's wrong?"

She just looked at me, looking hopeless and so lost.

She was hurting, bad.

And when she was hurting, I was hurting too.

"No… Noth…" she started, but her voice cracked.

She was denying everything again.

"No denying it, just tell me. You can trust me."

"I… I know," she said, looking at me for the first time.

Her mascara was smeared all around her eyes, her eyes were red and puffy.

'Lost,' I thought, 'she's so lost in her own world.'

"Then why aren't you telling me?" I said whilst toughing her cheek softly.

"It's just… just," she stared, her voice cracked.

I motioned her to carry on with whatever she way trying to say.

We looked at each other.

Her eyes were teary but shining in the moonlight.

Her cheekbones were formed perfectly.

Her lips were full and slightly perched, throbbing a little.

It almost looked like she wanted to kiss me, almost.

What if I just kissed her?

Would she kiss me back?

'No,' I told my self, 'don't take advantage of her like that. Don't'

But before I could even finish convincing myself not to kiss her, I felt soft, warm lips pressed against mine.

I closed my eyes like always did when I was kissing someone I cared about.

And I did care about her, I really did.

I didn't dare to move.

She had kissed me!

Jen had kissed me.

After a few seconds I felt her lips being pulled away form mine.

I opened my eyes, only to see her blush.

"I... I'm sorry," she started but I cut her off by kissing her again.

It was only a brief touch of our lips, but it made my heat flutter.

When I pulled away, she just looked at me.

After a long, but not awkward silence, she said: "I miss them."

I knew who she was talking about, her parents.

She had never really shown any emotion towards the death of her parents, until now.

I was at her house when the news came, when she was told she had just stared at the wall, no tears, no cries, no screams, nothing.

She must have been hiding all her emotions, it couldn't have been good for her.

She was strong, but not that strong.

But right now, tears were flowing down her cheeks freely, I didn't know what to say.

I was still mixed up by the kiss, but I had to snap out of it.

'For her,' I thought, 'for her.'

I pulled her into my arms, letting her cry out all the pain.

"Shhh… Shhh…" I said.

I couldn't say everything was going to be okay, it would be a lie.

She curled up, laying her head on my lap, sobbing.

I'd never seen her so upset and hurt, she seemed so venerable.

She had always been this strong and confident woman, despite everything that had happened to her.

"Jen, how long can it take for someone to get ready?" I yelled through her apartment.

We were going for a picnic in the woods and she had already spent 45 minutes in the bathroom, doing god knows what.

I sat down on the sofa and thought about the previous night:

_She had still been upset after I had clamed her down for a while, but she was better, I could see it. _

_Her eyes had her usual shine back. _

_She was her usual smiley self, the only thing that gave away her pain was my tearstained shit. _

_She apologized a dozen times for being such a crying baby but all I said was: "It's okay, I know, I have no idea how you feel, but I understand. It's alright."_

_We hadn't spoken about the kiss, it was just something that happened, probably she just used the moment, it probably hadn't meant anything to her. _

_But to me it did, it meant a hell of allot. _


	5. Never Enough

_**Chapter Five…**_

Jenny's POV

"Jen, how long can it take someone to get ready?" Harry yelled from the living room.

"Sorry, I'll be ready in five!"

He groaned.

I was a girl trying to impress her crush, obviously it would take me a while to do all my make up and find the prefect outfit.

cgi/set?id=58186495

Harry had invited me to a picnic, to celebrate our 'friendship.'

He had friendzoned me, obviously the kiss had meant nothing to him.

We hadn't talked about the kiss yet, witch made things between us pretty awkward.

I put on some mascara, picked up my bag and walked to Harry.

Just as I was about to enter the room he was in, I planted a fake smile on my face.

'Smile, Jennifer' I told myself.

When I saw Harry he was sitting on the sofa watching TV, some documentation about fishing.

Boring.

When I stepped inside he turned around to look at me.

A smile creped over his face.

"Ready to go?" I asked him, still fake smiling.

He nodded, still looking.

I coughed, firstly to snap Harry out of his daydream and second because I had to.

When I did, a little blood stain was on my hand where I had covered my mouth.

I knew this was "normal" for someone who had cancer, but it still scared me.

It just showed me that I was dying.

Harry was driving, right now we were driving past some pretty forest when he pulled over and parked.

"Harry, where are we going?" I asked him.

"You'll just have to wait and see."

"You know I don't like surprises, Hazza."

"I know, but you'll like this one. I promise."

We walked about 10 minutes until we arrived at a beautiful clearing, in the middle of the whole thing there was a pretty little blanket and a picnic basket.

It was the cutest thing someone had even done for me.

"Harry, this is just so…" I couldn't continue, I was too overwhelmed.

He just smiled and said: "This way."

I sat down on the red and white striped blanket.

We talked a while; I talked about my job and he talked about his.

Of course my life was completely and utterly boring compared to his, he had a band, concerts and world tours, I had a boring job and no social life.

I knew that we had to talk about the kiss at sometime, I mean he was my best friend, I was supposed to tell him everything.

Well, everything accept the fact that I was going to die.

No big deal.

"I know what your thinking about, I think we have to talk about it too," Harry said, almost reading my mind.

I sighed.

"Yeah, I guess," I said looking down from the sandwich I was eating.

It was so awkward, we, no I, had never had these kinds of feelings for him.

It was a strange but absolutely beautiful feeling.

"Why did you kiss me, Jen?" Harry asked.

I knew that this was going to come, but I just didn't think about it too much in the hope that this would all go away.

But it didn't go away, obviously.

"I don't know." I said quietly still staring at the blanket.

"'I don't know', you have feeling for me. Or 'I don't know' it meant nothing."

He was looking at me with no expression in his eyes.

I did like him, I knew that.

But was I ready to tell him and risk our friendship?

'YOLO' I thought, 'YOLO'

I only lived once, so I decided to tell him.

"Idon'tknow, Ihavefeelingsforyou," I said in one breath, hoping that he didn't understand me.

"What?" he said, he was still expressionless.

I took a deep breath, "I like you, I didn't realize until you came here, but every time we hugged it felt right. I know it's weird, considering you've always been my best friend and all but something changed. I really like you Harry," I said quietly without looking at him, instead I looked at our surroundings.

The meadow was small and surrounded by old, green trees.

The sky was blue, not a single cloud in the sky.

Birds around us were chirping, singing a beautiful melody.

But I couldn't help it; I had to look at Harry.

"Jen… I…" he started, but I cut him off.

"I get it Harry, you care about me and you don't want to hurt me, but you don't like me back. It's okay."

I was waiting for him to say something, but he didn't.

He just sat there in silence, not showing a single emotion.

_**Harry's POV**_

I wanted to tell her that I liked her too, but I couldn't.

It would end the same way anyway, I would go back to be 'Harry Styles from One Direction' and she would go back to her normal life of being a tutor.

She would leave me after a while because the famous me would be too much for her to handle as boyfriend.

I would only be able to see her very rarely.

I would end in a broken friendship and two broken hearts.

I couldn't risk our friendship, it was too important.

I didn't really care about having my heart broken, but what I cared about, no, who I cared about was Jennifer.

And I wanted her to be happy and not have a broken heart.

I wanted to make Jen happy, and I could, if I told her now.

If I told her now, that I liked her back.

I only needed to say the words and I could call her mine.

But I was too afraid.

Too afraid of her being hurt, of me being hurt, of us being hurt.

Of our friendship being hurt.

So I kept silent.

"I'm sorry I came here with you, I think we should leave," she said, I could clearly hear the hurt in her voice.

It was my fault.

She could have been in my arms now, I could tell her that everything was going to be okay again, I could put my arms around her and tell the lads that she was mine.

Mine forever.

But I had kept silent and I had to live with the consequences.

She was standing up taking her bag and walking towards the forest, witch let her to the car.

I jumped up, quickly packed everything together and ran a bit to catch up to her.

It was completely dark outside, the only thing showing us the path back to our car, was the lit candle in her hand.

We walked in silence towards the car.

Things were getting awkward between us and it was my fault.

After about 20 minutes of walking, I began to wonder where exactly we were.

I briefly remembered that it had only taken about ten minutes to walk from the car to the meadow, but why was it taking so long this time?

"Jen, I don't want to panic you or anything, but I don't know where we are," I said, breaking the silence.

She was walking in front of me, but when I said that she spun around, "What do you mean you don't know where we are? Are you telling me were lost?" she sounded angry.

"Yeah, I guess so."

"You gatta be kidding me."

"Just sit down here somewhere and I'll go look for the car, okay?"

"No way in hell am I going to stay here alone in the woods at night, alone."

She had a point, it was to dangerous, what if there were wolfs or something around here?

"Then come with me."

She nodded and again, we walked in silence.

We searched and searched, but with every minute we spent walking, we got lost even more.

"Harry, I can't anymore, I'm exhausted," she said breathing hard as if she had just run a marathon.

We had only walked for about 30 minutes or something, it wasn't normal.

Suddenly, in mid step she stopped and cringed.

She let out a moan of pain.

"Jen!" I cried and made a step towards her.

I out my hand on her back.

She was hot, glowing even.

"I'm okay, don't worry," she said before I could say anything.

"No Jen, you're not okay. You're glowing."

She straightened herself up and looked at me.

"Well here we can't change anything about it can we? I think we should just sleepover here and look for the car tomorrow, I can't anymore, I'm done walking for today," she stated snapping at me.

"Fine, let's go there," I pointed to a small clearing, "We can sleep there."

She groaned and walked towards the clearing.

Jen still had my jacket on, it looked cute on her, it was much too big and it was so long, it almost reached her knees.

She arrived the clearing, followed by me shortly.

She laydown and said: "This is all because of you, if we wouldn't have gone on this stupid picnic I would be in my warm, cozy bed now."

"I tried to make you a favor and it's not like I want to be here."

"Well next time you bring me to a romantic picnic, please bring your girlfriend too, I would love to meet her."

"How many times do I have to tell you? I DO NOT have girlfriend, don't you get it?"

"I HATE YOU!"

That hurt, I knew she didn't really hate me, she was so angry, but it still hurt.

I knew it was my entire fault; I could have her in my arms right now.

I could have.

I could have isn't enough.

It's never enough.


End file.
